I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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