There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Every concussion has its silver lining
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Randomize
