new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
