apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I need a burrito and a hug.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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