trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Operation Purity has been aborted
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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