You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
