im having a threesome with these popsicles
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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