i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
