You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
