he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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