Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
