After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
