He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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