In the future we'll all be gay
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
