woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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