I faked an abortion last night.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Come on in and take your pants off
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