apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
