I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I touched a dick in church today
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
