I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize