if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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