This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
