Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
