Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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