btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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