nut hugger
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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