you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I just blew my weed a kiss
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
