You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
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its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
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It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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