pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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