I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
