does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
