idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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