Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
