Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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