omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
