OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I FOUND THE LEGS
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
