Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
