if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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