he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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