my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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