Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
