Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Sex in the backyard? Check.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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