I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
