On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
