Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
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