me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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