Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
