cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
