eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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