I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
