just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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