Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
