btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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