What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
