i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
