That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
