I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I supernannyed him into submission
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
