I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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