I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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