does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
