Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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