Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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