I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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