I murdered the dance floor call the cops
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
