I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
