Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
