You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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