i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
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so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
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My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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