took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
