Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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