Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
