Betty ford says i'm here all night
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
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