yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
sick fucks of a feather flock together
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
