So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high