Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
sex in a hospital.. check
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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