i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.