walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
sarcasm needs its own font
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?