I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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